Testing, Testing 1...2...3

Not really sure how to start this or what I'm supposed to say in this virtual diary so here it goes... I'm a mommy. I'm a wife. I'm a daughter, granddaughter, sister, cousin and niece. I'm someone's best friend. My biggest fear? Not holding up to the roles above. I hate letting people down, especially those I care about. But why should I when they seem to have no problem doing the same to me? I feel forgotten. How can I play so many different roles in so many different people lives yet... my phone never rings?

Out of sight, Out of mind.

Tis the story of my life. I moved from my home state right before my 18th birthday. My family didn't agree with my decision, but I chose to do it anyway. I moved with a family member that had pretty much been disowned. It wasn't long until I saw they may have been right for not wanting me to go as I ended up pregnant by a man I barely knew, let alone wanted to spend the rest of my life with. My story wrote itself within those two pink lines...

I dropped out. I had a difficult pregnancy. I fought with my 'baby daddy'. We had our son. Got a house with some roommates. I started working at a daycare so I could take my son with me while he worked nights at a wing house to make ends meet. We did what we had to get by. Things I'm not proud of but we got by.

All this time, no family came to see us. They helped out before the baby was born- sent us a few packages, bought a car seat. We appreciated it... but I would have appreciated a 15 min nap much more. Our son was almost a year old before anyone came to meet him.

Shortly after that visit we decided to move 'home'.

["Decided" being the word we use in public for the house we were living in became over run with booze, drugs, fleas & fighting so I took my son and left.]

"Baby Daddy's" mother offered me a place to stay if I could get back 'home'. My mom bought the ticket and we left without the approval of my son's father. He didn't speak to us for a few weeks. But as our son's 1st birthday drew closer & closer he realized things had to change. His parents bought him a round trip ticket so he could see his sons 1st birthday. He never made the flight back.

Now, almost 3 years later... we're married, just moved into a 2 bedroom home and are trying for another baby. Crazy how things can change! But that's just a day in the life...