Chapter Two

I always knew my family was different than others. I cannot express enough how much I wanted to be like everyone else. I wanted to have a 'normal' family- which I now know doesn't even exist. 


My mother met a truck driver in 2000. He seemed like her answered prayer. He swooped in from out of nowhere and promised her the world- she believed him. After months of nonstop flowers, candy and flattery, a weekend in a Hotel every few weeks and unlimited promises he bought her a house and a car. Compared to the 1 bedroom hotel we had been living in for over 3 yrs, it seemed like our luck was changing. 


My mom was fooled again. But she married this liar. 


So we moved. Almost an hour away. To a new house, town & school. I tried to make new friends, but I just didn't fit in. I was from the city and this jerk bought a house in the middle of a corn field. And I HATED IT!


The kids in my class hated me. I was new to a school where in order to be popular your parents had to be a teacher in the school or own a farm. For Homecoming my school had 'Ride your tractor to school day' if that tells you anything. If you kicked the ball over the fence of the football field, you would fighting cows to get it back. I was so unhappy, I almost considered moving in with my dad- at least then I would have my step-brother (my only real friend). 


Less than 3 months after buying the house my mom got a phone call from a woman looking for her husband. This woman's husband just so happened to be the same man my mother was married to. Coincidence?


Marrying a truck driver probably wasn't the smartest idea. 


He denied it and swore she was just a crazy ex girlfriend. My mother believed him until my sister and I come home from school one day, noticing semi tracks in the snow. Upon entering the house, we instantly notice the kitchen table is gone. We keep walking and see that EVERYTHING is gone! Furniture, Appliances, Cabinets, Toilets/Sinks- EVERYTHING! We had been robbed!!!


We tried to call my mom at work but realize the phone & electricity are off. So we sat in a dark, cold old farm house until my mom showed up in a taxi several hours later.


We hadn't been robbed. My mother was getting a divorce and this was her husbands way of 'breaking the news'. In addition to wiping out our house, he had towed my mom's car and emptied our storage unit. He took everything.


We never got most of it back.


So there we were. A single mom with 3 kids by 3 different men, alone. Again.  


My mom had friends who helped her get back on her feet. We got a house in a little town nearby so we wouldn't have to switch schools again. By this time I had made some friends and was no longer being picked on-- I actually liked it there. I met a few girls who ended up at my house virtually every weekend- these girls are still to this day my very best friends. 


Around this time my step-mother had mentioned my step-brother being 'out of control'. Now, remember the life this kid lived. Can you blame him? My mother had been trying for custody since they had sent me home with her in the 4th grade. But there was really not much she could do. She offered to take him for a year. Looking back, that was a dumb move. She already had more on her plate than she could handle. Taking in a problem child should have been the least of her worries. But we loved my step-brother. My mom loved him like he was her own. And if we had been able to get him sooner we may have been able to save him. But by that time it was too late... 


My mom basically lost it after that. She was alone for the 1st time in years. I noticed her drinking more than usual. She was barely ever home- which to a young teenage girl isn't a problem! Until she called me from jail.


She got a DUI. 2 weeks later, she was fired. Looking back, I should have been more concerned but I was a kid. Pretty oblivious to most of what was going on- taking advantage of the fact I had friends close by and my mom wasn't around to tell us what to do. We had 'parties' all summer. But really, we were good kids. We didn't drink. We didn't do drugs. We just thought we were hot shit because we were ALONE. My brother brought his friends and I brought mine. One of my best friends dated my brother and the other lost her virginity to her boyfriend on my step-brothers bed. Well, I was a good kid.


My mom knew that. She trusted she had raised my sister and I right- and she had. We did our home work, chores and babysat my little brother. I knew that my older sister was in charge- even though I hated it- and accepted the fact that my mom just wasn't around. 


I didn't really talk to my dad at this point. My step-brother & I would go for certain holidays and weekends but other than that we didn't speak. My father never called me. When we did speak on the phone, it usually ended in an argument- which he never apologized for, EVER! Even as a child I had to be the mediator. If I didn't call a few weeks later after he had cooled off, we simply did not speak. 


As a parent, I cannot imagine not talking to my child. Period. End of story. 


My mother served weekends in jail, probation and community service for her DUI. She could NOT find a job- she was 'over qualified' for most jobs. Towards the end of the school year we all really began to notice an even bigger change in my mom. She really, really just... lost it. She was distant, rarely EVER home. And when she was, she was mean... or sleeping. I started to hate the woman she had become. We fought nonstop. 


She got arrested, again. I still don't know the whole story- she says it was a mistake on their end, but I've heard it was for neglect or something... After we lost our internet, she began spending more and more of her time at the library talking in online chat rooms.  She even brought some of the men she 'met' online to our home- where she had 2 young daughters and her small son in the house! 


One day I came home and a random guy was asleep in the couch. I wasn't sure who he was or why he was there but I figured he was with my mom- even though her car wasn't in the drive way. He sat up when I walked in and soon seemed very interested in me. Following me around the house, talking to me, asking questions about me. I was very uncomfortable. 


He didn't rape me. But I have a feeling he may have tried a lot harder had I not gotten out when I did. I didn't go home for a few days. And when I did I packed my things and informed my mother I was moving in with my best friend. 


A few days later she was arrested again (another 'mistake' on their end, she said) and I didn't see her for almost 5 yrs. 


I love my mom. I know she did the best she could... well, she thinks she did. I don't hold many things against her because she has tried really hard to fix what she messed up. She has helped me more than almost anyone in this world and I really don't know where I would be without her. But... I do wish certain things had been different. She certainly wasn't perfect but who is? I understand a lot more now that I'm a parent too. I can't imagine going through what she went through.... I hope I never have to.